Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
