the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
