I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
