Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
