Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
