Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
