I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
