I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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