and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
