I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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