I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize