But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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