Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
