Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
