Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
