Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
