It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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