we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
