It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
