My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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