I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
