Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
