i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
