oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
