I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The best revenge is premature balding
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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