Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
