thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
