and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
