It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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