genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
