Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
