you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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