when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
