it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
