K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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