Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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