Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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