I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
