He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
