Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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