i don't like sucking hair
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
