The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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