Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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