the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
