You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
