i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
