You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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