It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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