i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
