Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
