Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How does one acquire holy water?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
