still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
