he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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