Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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