I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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