he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
