Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize