Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
