Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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