I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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