Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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