i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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