She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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