He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
