I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
