Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
