Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
