i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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